Becoming Part of A Burmese Family :)

[ by Stian ]

Marion – the one with a soft heart of gold made it possible for us to have an authentic and very interesting experience while in Myanmar. I have chosen to write a separate entry in our travel blog about this particular experience, 'cause as you all know, I have trouble keeping it short. So here is the whole story:)

First Meeting

On the first evening in Bagan, Myanmar, while catching the sunset at one of the temples it happen so that Marion got in touch with some pushy saleskids. It did though turn out that they kids were truly lovely when she had gotten to know them a bit after having had a chat with each of them. Well they were at lest lovely after she had purchased way many postcards from them.

The kids: Win Win Htay, the oldest girl who was 20 years old, the two brothers Zin Zin, 16, and Maung Maung (phonetic: Mou Mou), 15, and least but not least Eie Eie (phonetic: I I ) the younger sister, who was probably one of the happiest 10 year olds we have ever seen, were all siblings. The last kid, Nyi Nyi (ph: Ni Ni), also 10 of age, was a friend of the others and he was a huge charmer, who at least got the girls totally softened. The kids were very grateful for the generosity and the compassion of Marion so they invited us to come to their home for coffee the next morning, and we were told by the oldest that her mother would love it if we did. Having the opportunity to experience a genuine Myanmar home and lifestyle was so tempting that we immediately accepted the invitation. We therefore agreed to meet at 11 am the next day.

Coffee At A Traditional Myanmar Home

Just a little after 11am the next day we met up with the kids again and they were very happy to see us obviously. They took us to their home which was a very small, but cozy hut which was supported by wooden poles. Here we got to meet mother of the family, the auntie, two cousins of theirs, the grand mother and also another younger brother, and another woman who's relation with the family we did not get to be honest. The mother had prepared coffee and tea for us, and she served us some kind of snacks and peanuts.

We also all got to be treated with the facial «cream» which is so common here in Myanmar. I even got one of these cream-pieces, which looked more like soap, as a present to bring home. Sissel and Marion got each their own longyi as a present as well, but they were not completely done, so we were invited back for dinner later the same night and told that they would be ready by then. We were told by the oldest daughter that we HAD to return for dinner, otherwise her mother would become very unhappy. It was strange to notice that the kids were actually pretty good in English, way better than expected. There were still some things they did not understand so there were a bit of confusions at times. The older generation though seemed not to speak any English at all. Even the youngest kid, the 4 year old cousin, was about to learn some English words, so even she was better than some of the adults. The 4-year old was even probably one of the cutest babies we had ever seen, and especially Sissel fell totally in love with her.

Life Is About...

Sissel has the same Life Is About book-as I have. Actually, I do have to admit that I did steal the idea from her in the first place – haha. She wanted everyone to write in her book. Since Win Win Htay was the best in speaking English we were not aware that she could not write – so when Sissel gave her the book she was obviously very embarrassed when she had to tell that she didn't know how to write. To be honest, we were more embarrassed for having expected it to be a given ability in a country where education is almost a non-priority for many, because of how the country is run by the military junta. Sissel decided therefore that all the kids should be allowed to make a drawing in her book, which was the sweetest gesture ever – and all the kids became very happy for this. We eventually had to leave, 'cause our driver was waiting for us, but we had each given a pinky-promise that we would return in the evening again, so we would definitely be seeing more of the kids.

Slacking By The Pool

The rest of the afternoon this second day, we just hang out by the pool at our hotel and we talked a lot about the upcoming evening and what we could expect. We were worried the mother would make something to elaborate just because of us being white foreigners. We really had no clue how people and culture really work here in Myanmar since none of us don't know anyone who's ever been here before.

Coffee at Nyi Nyi's House

When evening fell upon us we walked to the house of the kids again. On the way we were met by the kids and they were as always very cheerful and happy. Since we had some time to spare Nyi Nyi really wanted is to come see his home as well. His mother immediately made up coffee and snacks for us and we ended up sitting here for almost half an hour. Even here the grown ups did not communicate with us, so we only still had the kids to relate to. Suddenly Zin Zin starts giving Kenneth a massage, and then Eie Eie did the same with Marion and suddenly we all got a shoulder massage. The most impressive thing was that the kids were really good at it as well. Mou Mou was the one giving me a massage and I did have to ask him if someone had taught him how to do this, but they all said that they had never done it before, which is very hard to believe. Even though it felt good, we felt it was just to awkward having kids performing shoulder massage on us, with the parents just watching from a distance, so we made them just sit down next to us and thanked them for the gesture.

Genuine Myanmar Dinner Experience

We then headed for the other home of the other kids for dinner. Here we were met by the whole family once again and this time the father of the house had arrived as well. He as well seemed like a very nice guy, but he were not of the talkative kind. They had made up the table for 5 people only so we had to find our seats. Win Win Htey sat in between me and Marion and she was the one serving us the food. The menu consisted of spicy fish balls, chicken, tomato salad, vegetables and rice. It turned out that the rest of the family would not be dining until 9 pm – so that we would be the only ones eating at this point. This situation was very strange and actually not so comfortable: You can just imagine having 12 people sitting around you watching you eat, while you know that none of them have had their dinner yet. I really liked the food though, and did get full. If we'd been at a buffet-restaurant I would probably have eaten more, but since I was full and not sure if the family had more food stored away another place or if the leftovers after us would be the only food for the family to eat later, then I decided not to go for another portion.

After dinner we got coffee and tea served once again, alongside sweet potato snacks and peanuts. We also got more gifts – this time some sweet candy – a whole bag of it each. Sissel and Marion got their longyis back. It turned out that the mother had been to the seamstress to get them tailed up nicely for the girls. At this point we also noticed that it seemed like each of the kids had decided to pay extra attention to each of us respectively. Mou Mou was the one giving me the most attention all the time, while Zin Zin focused on Kenneth, or at least it seemed like so. Both the boys made a comment about our wooden bracelets which we purchased at Gili T asking us if they were our lucky bracelets. We decided then to give them our bracelets telling them that we hoped it would bring them luck. Mou Mou made a comment about how I had tied my longyi and when I demonstrated how well the way I had tied it worked by doing some squatting, I ended up tearing it apart a bit, of course thats typical my luck. Mou Mou immediately told me that he would bring me a new longyi the following day, but I told him that was OK and that he did not need to do so.

We thanked the family for the dinner and was about to head back to our hotel. This is not without a «problem» though. Before we arrived for dinner we had decided to give a symbolic amount of 10 000 kyats each, which is about 10 US dollars, so all together 50 US dollars. Which really is not that much (for us). So we gave the money to the mother of the family. We do believe this gesture was well received, so when we were about to leave all the kids, and this time even the mother, wanted to make sure that we got to our hotel safely so they chose to follow us the whole way back. Mou Mou was of course talking to me during the whole walk back. He made a comment about my shoes saying that he liked «foreigner shoes» - and he then asked me how many pairs I had. He was focusing a lot on the shoes and it turned out that the only «shoes» they had were the slippers they were wearing at the moment, which were not of a very good quality at all. He did carefully suggest to me that if he brought me a new longyi as a gift, maybe I could bring him a gift as well, of course referring to the shoes. I told him we would have to wait and see about this. It also turned out that none of the kids seemed to go to school, or at least it was very expensive to go to school... we really did not figure it out completely, cause when we asked about school it was a bit difficult to understand what they meant.

Since we had taken a lot of photos of the family we asked for their postal address and their email-address, which the mother actually seemed to have one of, at some kind of store. We wanted to have this information in case we at a later stage want to send them the photos, so the kids decided that they would be coming to our hotel at 11am the following day with the information that we needed.

New Shoes for the Boys

The very next day I got up early in the morning cause I wanted to try to get to the «foreigner shoes store» to check out the prices, so that I knew what kind of price range I had to relate to if I were to consider buying Mou Mou new shoes. When we left the hotel it turned out that Win Win Htay and Eie Eie had been waiting for us. They asked us where we were leaving for so we told them we just wanted to look around. Ax expected they joined us. I did drop by the shoe-store and figured that the shoes were very cheap so I would have no problem treating Mou Mou with a pair later on. The girls then took us to the morning market in New Bagan, which was a very small and nice market. Of course they wanted us to come to their home again, but we told them that we had to go back to the hotel.

On the way back to the hotel we met up with the 3 boys again as well. Since we were just right next to the shoe store I took Mou Mou up there and told him to pick the shoes he wanted and that the would be a gift from me to him. He ended up buying another pair of slippers, though of better quality than the ones he already had and which were of a brand he liked. They cost me only 7 US dollars, so it was definitely worth it. Almost right at the same time Nyi Nyi's slippers broke and he had to walk barefoot – so Marion felt so bad for him so she decided she had to buy him new ones as well. When she told him she would do so he became the happiest boy ever and started jumping and dancing down the street. Well, since two of the kids had gotten new shoes I asked Zin Zin if he wanted as well – because it would seem unfair to differ between the kids – and he as well found himself a pair which I treated him. The girls though didn't want anything so they didn't get anything (at this point).

So the boys had gotten new shoes and were happy. The kids invited us for dinner to their house this evening as well, but at this point we felt very torn, because we really did not know how to cope with all the kindness and hospitality. Also, it was very strange not being able to communicate with anyone the night before, except for with the kids, and we would have actually preferred that everyone ate at the same time. We told them therefore that we had made other arrangements for the evening. Though we would drop by in the late afternoon before dinner so that we could come for a coffee and just to say hi.

Later the same afternoon...

We dropped by as promised to say hi, though of course we were forced to sit down and have both coffee and tea and all the snacks that follows. The kids sat this time with us around the table, but still not up close to the table. Mou Mou was sitting right behind me, and Zin Zin on the side of me. At one point Eie Eie jumped in between us and shoved herself right into the edge of the table, but Mou Mou was quick to pull her back. It was clearly that she was not allowed to sit as close to the table as we, the guests, did. The mother was also sitting right behind us and they kept sending the bowl of snacks around all the time, and we felt forced to eat at times.

This time we even had entertainment. The family did have a very small TV and a very basic DVD-player, so Zin Zin put on DVDs with music videos. Well, the variety of his collection was not very extensive, or at least it didn't seem so – because the first "15" songs we got to see were different versions of the very famous «Gangam Style». This song is immensely popular over here and this other day we even walked past this really cute little boy at a place by the street who was doing the dance perfectly. Zin Zin then put on music videos by Justin Bieber, and it was obvious that the boys admired him a lot. The auntie in the house had to make a comment about my hairstyle and that it was the same haircut as Justin Bieber. They all thought it was funny and then they all started complimenting all of us how beautiful we were. Being complimented for your looks all the time is a bit strange, but it's obvious that they admire the pale skin of ours so we were getting used to it. So it was all in all a very nice evening in many ways.

An Unexpected Agenda, but still not so anyways...

It would though turn out that there was an agenda behind all the kindness by the local Burmese family because close to when we were about to leave another woman approached Sissel and Marion and explained that 3 of the kids in the family did not go to school, or at least not at a proper school. The public school system is not very good and most kids don't even learn how to read or to write we were told. They would prefer three of the children to have a private teacher, or to attend a private school – so that they would be able to actually learn something. The kids they talked about were the two eldest, Win Win Htay and Zin Zin, as well as the youngest, Ni Ni from the other family. We were told that the amount of money needed for a private teacher for a school year for each of the children were 70 000 kyats. We were a bit surprised at this point, since we had not expected a request like this. We already felt that we had given a lot to the family. 3 of the kids had gotten new shoes, and the previous day we had already given as much as 60 000 kyats as a friendly gesture for their hospitality. It seemed though that there was a bit of desperation in the air from the side of the family, since this was their last chance to request this gesture from us.

We were not able to give a reply at this time so we thanked them for the evening and then tried to make our way to find a car. Of course the whole family joined on our way once us again. Since the girls had each gotten a present from Nyi Nyi's mother earlier in the day they wanted to drop by his house as well to give their thanks, but as the story always goes: We were forced to sit down to have another coffee and more snacks. They made up seats for us, and only us, not themselves. And even though it was very late it was still warm outside so the kids and the mother of the four was sitting waving hand fans to cool us down. It was very strange to be honest and we felt like they were acting very submissively. The mother of the four was even giving Sissel a thigh-massage, which really seemed awkward in every way. I took the hand fan from one of them and started waving at them instead, as a friendly gesture of course. I told the mother we had to share and be equal, but it was clearly that this was a bit awkward as well.

We did eventually get out of there and got a friend of the family to give us a ride to the restaurant. We chose to go to The Queen again, cause we knew it was located outside of the village so that we knew that the kids would not follow us. We really did love the kids to death, but at this point we needed to be by ourselves and we had to make a decision of what to do about their request. We had agreed to come back the next day to say farewell since it would be our last day in Bagan so we knew that we would be seeing them again.

The Ethical Dilemma

There was clearly a sign of disappointment among some of the members in the group, since we had not expected this request since we already felt we had given a lot to the family. I agree that it felt very uncomfortable there and then, being approached by a request of economic means, especially when it's for something as basic as education. It was said by some that they felt they had been bought and that they felt less like giving something now, after having gotten this request. I though did not agree with all the feelings that someone shared, cause it all has to be seen in perspective:

1: You should never expect to gain something without making an effort for it. In Norway I feel a lot of people expect to get so much both from both the state and from people around them, without having to do literally nothing for it. This family had taken us into their home, given us gifts and made us wonderful food. Last but not least, they have given us wonderful memories for a lifetime.

2: Taken the money into account they requested 70 000 Myanmar Kyats for each of the three children. 210 000 Ks in total, among the 5 of us that would be only 42 000 Ks, less than 280 Norwegian kroners each. An amount which is not really that much. Sissel, Marion and Kjetil were even willing to pay 180 US dollars each to do a balloon ride while here, which would have lasted for only an hour and a half, just to be able to get a nice view of the temples. So three years of education equaled the cost just of as much as 3/4 of a balloon ride. When put like that, it is, at least to me, embarrassing not to give into their request since «we», the white rich people, are willing to pay that much for something as silly as a balloon-ride.

3: Flashing our wealth: When we first met the kids, the very first evening, Marion felt sorry for them and she paid 25 000 Kyats for 5 sets of postcard, which initially only cost 1000 Ks each, and then Sissel came along and paid 5000 for 1 set as well – so it was very obvious that we had money. It was probably the worst kind of money-flashing the kids had ever experienced, so they saw their chance and therefore invited us to their home.

4: Big family, small means: The whole family consisted of 9 members, 5 of which where children. Then it was the father, the mother, the grandmother, and an auntie, and two cousins and... ah well I never got to understand how many they were and who was related to whom. At least 9 people shared the sleeping surface of less than 15 square meters. We were told by our taxi-guy from the hotel that a regular worker could make as little as 3000 Ks a day. Of the members in this family only the father seemed to have a real job, and we have no idea how much he made. At this time the kids were having their summer holidays and every day during their holiday they had to do their "business" as they referred to it as, which is to sell sets of postcards or self-made drawings to the tourists. EVERY kid in town did this so the competition to get their sets sold is very hard at times. Sometimes they were not able to sell at all. What I suspect is that in the case of education it all depended on how much they all were able to save up during the summer months. If they were not able to save enough, then there would be no school to attend when the holiday comes to an end. And if the father makes very little money then it would take very very long time to save up money for all the kids to go to school and at the same time make the household go around.

5: The lack of money was also obvious. The clothes and the slippers the kids were wearing all came from the morning market, which is the cheapest place to buy things. All the kids had the same pair of sandals that come 5 in a packet at the market. I bet one pair of the sandals the boys got from us probably cost twice the amount of 5 pair of the cheap ones, and the ones they got from us had way better quality as well. So even though they had food on the table and a roof over their head, they did not have much more. These kids probably never get presents as kids in Norway do at a regular basis, several times a year.

6: Everything to win and nothing to loose: So the family had at this point everything to win, and absolutely nothing to loose. They had treated us well, and were now relying on our consciousness. They had already gained a lot from us and they knew that we do have the means for more. They know that they will probably never see any of us again anyways, so they were hoping that what they have done would have been enough.

So taken everything into consideration I had no problem into giving into their request. We ARE filthy rich white people who DO have the economic means. And we DID flash our money. Someone mentioned that they felt less like giving again, after getting a request like this, in other words implying that it was rude of them to request this. This argument made me a bit upset because I doubt anyone were considering giving any more at all, since we had already given a lot. In other words it could be perceived as if one was considering to give more, but now they didn't feel like it anymore. This was clearly a «lie», cause I don't believe anyone was prepared to give any more. Even though we treated them well by giving the family money and the kids new shoes; In my mind, I think they treated us even better. They took us into their homes and treated us with a genuine Myanmar experience many tourists never will have the chance to experience. I would have gladly paid way more than 280 NOK to be able to have experienced something like this anyway. I genuinely do believe that the kids loved hanging out with us as well, no matter how much money we had. At least it looked like Mou Mou, Nyi Nyi and Eie Eie was really proud of being able to walk with us in the streets. I bet it brought them status to be friends with white people. The whole experience really got at least me to realize how privileged we are back home in Norway and to appreciate the value of the small things in my life.

We realized during our stay in New Bagan that everyone soon knew of us – cause we were referred to as the white people from Sky Palace by another taxi-guy, even though we had not told him where we stayed at, and especially kids waved and smiled at us and greeted us where ever we found our way.

I had fallen in love with the family totally. They were so beautiful in every way. I have never smiled as much in my life ever before as I had been doing while hanging with the kids. Even Kjetil made a comment stating that his cheeks were kind of hurting because of all the smiling he had been doing the last couple of days, haha. The only concern we had about giving in to the request of the family was IF the money actually WOULD go to what they said it would go to, that is the kids education, or if they would be spent on something completely different.

Our Decision

The last day in Bagan we spent doing a tour to Mount Popa. We were though back at our hotel not long after noon and now it was time to decide if we would be going to give the two families a donation as requested. I had already decided that I was willing to join, so it would be up to the others to decide.

Back in town we had dinner at the restaurant called The Green Elephant, which was located just by the street. Here we had to make our decision. It didn't take long before the kids turned up again – and they noticed immediately that we were sitting in the restaurant of course, so they decided to wait for us outside. We did have a discussion for a few minutes and then we all decided that we should go for it and to give in to the request. At least we would have our conscious clean if we did decide to go for it, and if it would turn out that the family would not spend it on what they said they would, then they are the firm believers of something called karma, and as we all know: Karma can be a bitch sometimes. So we prefer to be called soft, rather than naive, just to let you all know. We only had a short chat with the kids outside the restaurant afterwards and told them that we would be seeing them later in the evening at their house again.

Saying Goodbye

Before we left for their house we got the receptionist at our hotel to write in traditional Myanmar writing on the envelope with the money, explaining that the money inside was our donation for the education for the following kids Nyi Nyi, Zin Zin and Win Win Htay. Hopefully this way there would be no confusion. We then left for the family's house to give them our donation and to say farewell. Marion dropped by Nyi Nyi's house to pick up his mother so that she would be attending as well, which we felt was important since he was one of the kids getting money. It turned out that both the father of the four kids and the mother of Nyi Nyi knew how to read, so they both got to read the envelope. Hopefully they would then be able to split the money between the kids without no problem.

When at the house the kids were again thrilled to see us of course and it looked like that both the parents of Win Win Htay, Zin Zin, Mou Mou and Eie Eie, and the mother of Nyi Nyi were touched and grateful by our decision. It was sad to say farewell, but also a bit reliefing, cause we felt that we have had to deal a little to much with our consciousness these last few days. From now on we will try not to flash our money as we have done so far, to avoid more incidents like this – haha;) Though we are thrilled to have gotten to know this family. It feels like they have become OUR Burmese family. Hopefully I will be able to go back and see them again one day. If the conditions stay as they are at the present time in Bagan, then they will probably be living in the same house for many more years to come, so they should be easy to find again:)

Bless Burma for all it's greatness:) We had the best time ever and obtained so many impressions that will last for a lifetime. The kindness and the hospitality will never be forgotten. Myanmar is a very special country - and we pray and hope that it will stay like this even when the charter flights from Scandinavia starts running from this coming autumn... <3

First visit